i miss you.
I’ve been going back and forth between what I should and should not do..and I hate that making decisions is getting so much harder for me. and especially at times like these, I really wish my brother were still here, so that he’d tell me if what I was doing was stupid or if he supported me in my choices. I was pretty young when he left and as a twelve-year-old then, I didn’t really have anything big I had to worry about. but as every year goes by..it gets so much harder not having him here with me, with us. and I know he’s always in our hearts and that will never ever change, but I just wish that he can be here physically..it’s not fair really..but if there’s anything life has taught me, it’s that it’s not fair. these past six years I’ve been trying to stay strong for my mom and for my brother. on the outside, it seemed evident to everyone else that I was able to move past all that has happened because I smiled SO much, but that was the easy part. I’m eighteen now, but I feel like the pain that was caused six years ago emanates in me so much stronger now.. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I really do need someone here with me to help take care of mom or that I was too young to really hurt this hard, and this much.
if you guys know any support groups for those who’ve lost a sibling, please let me know :) it hasn’t really worked in the past because I wasn’t open enough to talk about it, but I think I’m ready and I’m really sure I need it
